You can try, but you'll never forget her name.

A few weeks ago I was sitting next to a friend of mine at church and he asked me a question that I don't think he realized would have such a profound impact on me (nor do I think he even remembers asking me this question), he asked, "what do you want your legacy to be?" I struggled to give a response because I didn't, and still don't have a perfect answer. There are so many different things I have wanted to be in my lifetime and each thing has had a reason why. When I was younger I remember thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up and most of the time I thought I would either be a professional WWF wrestler, or have a "singing career", well I thank my lucky stars that neither of those dreams have come true! Then when I was in high school I was sure that I wanted to be a world-renound broadway sensation, but as it turns out I'm not actually very good at acting, so as far as that is concerned my dream is to SEE a live broadway show haha, I'll leave the acting to the professionals. I like to think that I live my life to the fullest, and I put my heart and soul into many things. I am happy about where my life has taken me to this point, and as I think back to the different personalities and characteristics I have possessed, I know my life could have potentially been much worse. As far as what I want to accomplish and what kind of legacy I want to leave, I am less sure of my ambitions. When I think about who I want to become my number one goal is to be a mom someday, and if I am telling the truth I thought it would have happened by now. Don't get me wrong, I love that I have been able to serve a mission, and get my Bachelors degree before settling down, and I hope I will be able to get a Masters degree and start my career before I have a family, but I am often terrified by the thought that I might not ever get married and have children. I have come to terms with the possibility that I am here to help other families grow closer together, and I am helping other people raise their children, but I'm not sure that is ever going to be good enough for me. Many of my most heartfelt prayers consist of asking God if I am EVER going to have a family of my own. I wouldn't be so afraid if I knew that somewhere down the road it is bound to happen, but I'm just not confident that it will. I think that is why it is so important for me to be successful, because if I am incapable of accomplishing the ONE desire I truly have, then I am going to make damn sure that I compensate for it by creating a different purpose in my life. So I guess the legacy I would choose to have is to be a great mom and I feel like if I ever become one I could be pretty good at it, I mean I scrapbook, and I can read with inflection, and I make Mac and Cheese taste awesome, what else is there!? lol but if that is not in my plan I want my legacy to be able to change peoples lives for the better. I want to live passionately, and travel the world, and become great at many things. Actually I want to do all of those things regardless of whether I become a mom or not! One of the things that I have discovered that I am passionate about is teaching, I have taught relief society in church for 2 years now and I love it! I knew I loved teaching people the gospel when I served a mission, but I had no clue I would love teaching a room full of women, in fact I thought that would be my worst nightmare, but I was wrong because I love doing it. I also love teaching teenagers and young children whether it is the gospel, or secular topics, I just love teaching. I also love learning, it is hard for me to think about a future time in my life when I am no longer going to be a full-time student because I am one of those weirdos who LOVES school! I hope I get into graduate school, so that I can prolong my procrastination of becoming an adult and getting a "real job" and no longer attending a university. I know growing up is inevitable, but I am going to fight it as long and hard as I can! Another passion I have is reading! Barnes and Noble is my Disneyland! Sometimes I think it would be fun to write a book, but then I think about the different 12-14 page papers I have had to write in college and think, "nah, that's okay" I'll leave that one to the professionals as well... for now at least! I have thought of becoming an interior designer, and have taken some interior design classes that were a blast, I have also thought of becoming an artist because I love drawing, painting, pottery, make-up, you name it! Although I love many things, my main passion is people, sometimes I try to be really cool, and think that I don't like being around people, or that I am an introvert, but that is not true. I love being a part in many people's lives in whatever way I can, and I enjoy being a helpful person, I don't find much purpose in keeping to myself and/or pretending not to notice that others exist around me, so that is going to be my legacy and devotion, to help others and lighten the load of those around me. I guess it's a good thing I chose Social Work as a profession :). Well thanks for reading! Have a good night everyone!